My Heart Today

This morning I am overwhelmed by my God’s goodness to me.

May The Words Of My Mouth
May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways
Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus

For this is what I am glad to do
It’s time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I’ll follow You

Lord, be my vision, Lord be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I’ll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You’ll be the first of my heart
I will follow, I will follow, I will follow

Tim Hughes and Rob Hill


Today I am distracted. Actually, I feel as though I have been on auto-pilot or in a dense fog for about a month. Could it be that I have given up morning coffee that I have depended on for years in favor of one or two cups a week? Could it be that I have not felt well due to stomach cramps and little sleep? Could it be that subconsciously I am worrying? “Worrying about what?”, you say. Worrying about everything. Taking the right vitamins, lactose intolerance, not getting enough exercise, not having a job, watching too much TV, spending too much money, high gas prices, not having a job, not spending enough quality time w/ the Lord

I think that last one is it. While I am NOT busy, I am also not pausing to listen to the Lord. I think that I have made a lot of my self-worth come from how productive I am financially. I know where my help comes from. I know that the Lord has ALWAYS provided for me in amazing ways. I have no thoughts or desires to be wealthy, just safe and secure and I have been that. I think that is a distraction in itself. Security. While there is nothing wrong with that, if it overcomes all other desires, it becomes an idol. 

Right now I am trying desperately to process whether the Lord intends for me to continue to remain jobless (and thus slightly insecure) or if I should be more proactive b/c there is something out there I am meant to do. I want to help support my family, is that so bad?? Or am I just obsessing about being secure? 

“Verily, the lust for comfort murders the very passion of the soul and then walks grinning into the funeral.”

This week’s gifts so far:
~Baby J’s kicks and rolls
~Lunch with my grandparents, mom, sisters, nieces, aunt and uncle (even if it was Mexican food for the 3rd day in a row)
~Hearing Audrey laugh her deep belly laugh and sing
~coffee with two of my dearest friends in the same day!!
~eating ice-cream w/  my daddy
~sitting w/ Miss Diane in church
~dinner w/ friends we have missed spending time with
~cherry M&Ms (not sure if I would like them if I wasn’t pregnant)
~finishing a surprisingly good book (The Thirteenth Tale)
~waking up to my sweet, amazing husband