New starts overwhelm me…

and I give up easily. Things that I must do, feed my children, clean my house, meet basic needs for my self and 3 others, I do. But the things I want to do, read, organize, bake bread, volunteer in the community, live more liturgically, try to figure out what my creative outlet is, I give up on. I have grand plans but when the logistics of said plans get complicated, trying to figure out how they fit w/ the must-dos, I quit. It will take too much energy. I will be spending money we don’t have to waste. I will be inconveniencing someone. I will probably fail anyway. So I get overwhelmed and wish I were a better person at planning, scheduling or just being free.

Lately I have been wondering what I have to “give” to my sons. What talents do I have to share w/ them or pass on to them? Chad gives them the gift of music and dreams and athletic talents. I’m not trying to sound pathetic, but I really do not know what I have to give them. Yes, I give them unconditional love and a safe place to be who they are meant to be. But as far real talents, I’m coming up empty right now. What I really DON’T want to pass on to them is my penchant for retreating, quitting, or being overwhelmed so easily.

This is why I don’t make resolutions. If I make them and do not follow through, I feel like a major failure so it is better not to put myself in that situation at all. So I am looking at the new year as an open book of what could be and praying I can find the courage to be a better me.

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6 thoughts on “New starts overwhelm me…

  1. I agree with you about resolutions. That’s why I’m more interested in forming new habits than setting unreachable goals. And I think you’ve got your priorities right. Keep being an awesome mom.

  2. You have so many gifts to offer your boys, your friends, and everyone who encounters you. The essence of who you are is something that words can’t articulate but can be felt in your presence. This is a wonderful gift you give and it is more than enough. Love you, sweet friend.

  3. I felt the same way. I knew I was going to fail any resolutions I made so I just refused to make them. Then, (for me personally), I realized how pathetic I sounded and am trying to give my goals a go. I never do this, so we’ll see how it goes. But I’m starting small and working my way up. There’s a whole year in front of you! There’s plenty you can do. I know you have the talents necessary! My first resolution was to keep up my blog, start somewhere small like that? I dunno.

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